I had a writing piece featured in the February 2022 issue of Autism Parenting Magazine!! Click the picture of the issue to take you to their website to see what the issue is all about and how to subscribe. Thank you everyone for your ongoing support and encouragement!!
Five things I wish someone would have told me after my child’s diagnosis.
- There is nothing “wrong” with your child.
Let me say that again, because I know you think you need to fix something, but you do not. There is nothing wrong with your child. They need you. They need your unconditional love. They need your unconditional support. They need your unconditional strength. Trying to fix something that is not broken will only increase your child’s insecurities, fears, and hinder them from reaching their true potential. The true potential that exists in us all with guidance and a little (or a lot of) help from those who love us.
- It is not your fault.
Please do not blame yourself. A diagnosis did not happen because you do not grow your own veggies. It did not happen because you exercise. It did not happen because you work outside the home. It did not happen because you play Maio Cart late at night on Nintendo. Please do not blame yourself. Talk with your doctors, understand the true research and science. Ask questions. Participate. This will help you help your child.
- Never lose hope.
There are going to be people who are negative, doubtful, ignorant, and frankly rude. Ignore them. See them but ignore them. They do exist. They are not going away. But your drive, determination, and hope WILL make a difference. It does make a difference. We need you. Your voice is powerful. Your strength will provide your child with hope. They can make a difference too. Maybe one day there will be less ignorance. Maybe one day there will be less negativity. But until then, please do not lose hope.
I hope someone newly diagnosed is reading this. I hope you hear me. I hope you know you are doing a great job. It is hard being a parent and especially a parent being faced with unfamiliar challenges. I know you cry a lot. I know you worry a lot. I am here for you. We are here for you.
Katrina is a Mom
Today a mom at drop off was struggling. Struggling to get her little one to calm. Struggling to remain calm herself. I saw panic in her eyes. I saw sadness in her eyes. She was shaking as she made her way to her car after the teacher held the child back in the classroom.
A fellow mom friend approached her and asked if she could hug her. She knew the pain. She had felt it too. We all gathered, providing words of assurance and encouragement. Reminding her she is not alone and that it will get better We talked for 20 mins! Some days we all need that reminder. We need to know it will be ok. We need to know that we are seen. We need to know 
Dear Me, Don’t be so hard on yourself. You’re doing your best, even on the days it doesn’t feel like it, you are. “Perfect” is not real, but your strength is. Show them what it looks like to be resilient and resourceful. Remind yourself that you are worthy of this happiness and their love. It’s okay to make mistakes. You are doing your best and they see you
Meet Dale! Dale is 8 years old, on the Autism Spectrum, and has Sensory Processing Disorder. I created Dale with idea of telling stories from his point of view and show you what he sees throughout the day. Book One is The Adventures of Dale; School day. Go on this small, but BIG adventure with Dale, seeing how a day at school feels and looks for him. You also get to meet some of his family and friends along the way. I hope you enjoy!
We call it his talker At 3.5 yrs old, my buddy got his AAC device. With the help of his Speech Therapist at the Intermediate Unit where he attended preschool, we were able to receive an Augmentative and Alternative Communication Device paid for by our insurance. There was a lot of paperwork to fill out, a script from his pediatrician was needed, and we had to reapply after being denied the first time, but the payoff is huge!! He uses the Proloquo2go app 
It’s easy and simple to use.
Kindness is Contagious!! My boy loves to watch the busses during recess leave the high school. He gets so excited if he hears a beep 
His teacher emailed the high school principal asking if the busses could beep for him one day 
Yesterday, 16 busses beeped at this wonderful little boy 
Soak in the joy
I always had these dreams of being a mom and the kind of parent I would be. Playing trucks, building blocks, making arts-n-crafts, reading endless books, creating forts with kitchen chairs, and making up our own stories to act out in a play! I never had the thought that maybe they wouldn’t enjoy doing the same things as me or that those things would be very difficult for them or that these “fun” things would be the exact opposite for them.
I remember my first baby crying at the lights and sounds of his tummy time mat. The tortuous look he would give me when I would sing loudly. He would push away all rattles and squeaky toys. As he grew older, it was difficult for him to build blocks and he would lose interest quickly in all pretend play. Trips to stores or places with big crowds was impossible. I felt like he was missing out, that I was missing out.
Even after his diagnosis of Autism, I didn’t know how to play with my child. How can I connect with him? Why doesn’t he want to play with me? Does he like me?
It took me taking a step back and seeing my child WAS asking to play with me. It just looked different than what I knew. He was asking me to enter his world. See things from his perspective. Our singing became soft, our reading turned into whispers, silently watching a video together while giving him big squeezes, taking quiet walks through stores when they just opened, allowing him to pick out toys HE liked (no matter what the “appropriate” age range is), people watching from the bench at Bounce U, riding escalators and elevators for over an hour, and following his lead.
I will be forever grateful that he asked me to play with him. Thank you buddy.
As a parent, having multiple children can bring you a sense of relief that they will have each other when you are gone. But how are you supposed to feel knowing you will be placing a “big job” on a child to care for another? Will they grow to resent their sibling? Will they choose to not take on that responsibility? What if this duty happens earlier than expected and they are unable to make decisions?
Life can throw you quite a few curveballs. When our firstborn son was diagnosed with ASD at 2 years old it was a shock. He was already receiving early interventions services, so we picked ourselves up and dove right in. When his baby brother arrived 2.5 years later it opened a whole new set of challenges. One being how can I place this on his shoulders? Will he accept that his family is different? Will they love each other like other siblings do?
Some of these questions can only be answered over time. One thing is for sure, their love is big. Bigger than I ever imagined. I watch them play, interact, snuggle and I know it will be ok. I know we lead by example. I know we will never give up. I know this love is strong.
Have you ever not invited someone to a party/picnic/event because you think they will say no? Maybe it is out of understanding that parties are hard? Or maybe you don’t invite them because last time they did attend it was a struggle for them? Or maybe you feel they are too busy/have a lot going on?
I am here to say please include me! Please invite me even if you know I will say no. Please invite me even if I make silly excuses. Please invite me even if I take forever to get back to you. Please invite me even if the last time I did go out I seemed tired. Please include me.
See even though I have a son who struggles in crowds, with loud noises, and becomes over stimulated, I want to be included. I want to be reminded that my friends like me around. I want to be reminded that my family is loved. I want to be reminded that we are accepted just as we are. Let me be the one to say, “no thank you”. Let me be the one to say, “it might be too much”. Because one day my answer might not be no or one day it might not be too much for us or I might have more free time. Please include me.
